Men must be protected from being pressured by traditions and macho culture into committing violence again women or other men.
Domestic violence seems to have been part of a sex war that has been waged against women. It is far easier for men to use violence to force submissiveness onto women, than any other method.
Fortunately, not all men want to do this.
Some men have been forced to be violent against women through their culture. This is seen very clearly in the ‘honor’ system in some countries where a man is ‘dishonored’ if a woman doesn’t obey him or show him disrespect.
So men are forced by social pressure to use violence against women. The point is, where is the social pressure coming from? Who is benefiting from this tradition?
20th century thinking and protests
It is my opinion that if we look at Western countries up until the beginning of the 20th century there was a similar system. The traditions were not so formalized, as in other cultures, but it was considered that a man wasn’t a ‘real man’ if he couldn’t dominate his wife. And if his wife showed disrespect then a husband had the ‘right’ to beat his wife.
During the 20th century Western women organized themselves to protest against these traditions. In the 20th century a man can now be put in prison for beating his wife or girlfriend. The very brave women who questioned these traditions had a difficult time. Some people really believed it was, ‘God’s will’ that women should be subservient to her husband. While up until the 1970s, psychologists were claiming that domestic violence was all right because all women were masochists. Yet in spite of this, attitudes in western society about domestic violence have changed dramatically in a hundred years.
But this change also happened through a rise in status of women in western countries. Women who protested about domestic violence back in the 19th century were hardly listened to, because of their low status. As women in the West gained voting rights, became better educated, and started to have professional jobs, their opinions could not easily be dismissed.
The nature of domestic violence
So the issue is also about a woman’s status in society. Domestic violence is all about controlling women and keeping them subservient. There is not an easy solution to this problem because women who who protest will get punished in some countries.
At the same time, men must be protected from being pressured by traditions and macho culture into committing violence again women or other men.
This is a response to the blog-post “Call to action: Your views on men and domestic violence”.
Hi, i agree with both of you. But i think that awareness is necessary both on women and men. To change men's behaviour by changing their view of things, moving from the traditional machis and hyerarchical system is definitely important. But i consider important to create awareness at all levels, by gender, age, roles....
All people must be ashamed by violence against women, nobody should accept, ignore, shut up.
All shoud be aware that they have to stand up in front of a violence.
I agree with Elga, but depending where you live, I do not agree with Radha. There is power in numbers and when one man tries to take them all on, he will be silenced, put down, laughed at, called a fag etc. etc. After all our 'tough' men can be cruel. They'll find a way to silence the one who speaks up. Now if a group of you stick together and speak up against violence against women like the feminist groups did, you might get somewhere, but you'd have to be awfully brave. I think more men are becoming ashamed but are afraid to say so because of their machou image. I think things have changed ever so slightly. I remember the day when it was joked about and men laughed together about slugging their wives. I believe violence against women and children should be taught in the schools and it should be mandatory and on the cirriculum.
Yes, it is true that there is domestic violence against women in every society of the world , but we have to consider the degree and level of control. My tone here is that in the Western countries there are stipulated control as the law takes over events when it is to the extreme. But in Africa men are allowed with an unlimited power since the culture here is held to the extreme and over-rules other factors especially in the rural areas. The women of Africa should heavily be considered and rescued.
Yes but what about when a woman causes the abuse, she's very bitchy and screams a lot and is out to pick a fight for no other reason than she like the drama - like the 1970s psychologists say woman are masochists. I think many woman are antagonists but this mentality may come as a defensive from the old traditions. But either way it is still wrong for man or woman to be agressive unreasonably.
What about the man who comes home from work and his wife starts yelling and screaming and breaking things. Does he yell at her to shut up, stop screaming? Or calmly ask whats wrong in the hope that will do something? And when she keeps screaming and name calling, what does he do? Does he beat her to keep her in line or just walk out, but what about the children? What do you do about the women who cause the problems by inventing imaginary problems? You cant be violent or abusive, that creates a real problem. Counselling can work but can be cheated. Some women are just out to get men and will make them into the bad person. That's real domestic abuse from a woman. And a mans only response is to give back domestic abuse but that is what she wants and will cause real problems. So what should he do? Ignore her scream and give her some bedroom attention, or report it to the police or domestic abuse hotline and be asked what did he do to cause it?
Domestic violence probably comes from the man wanting to control his unruly wife. And in saying so there are two sides to the fence.
About
I am a 63 year old male. I am co-author of the book, "Gospel Of the Goddess", and author of the books, "Why Women Should Rule the World" and "Mermaids, Witches and Amazons".
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Radha Patel
Friday 20th November, 2009, 1:42pm
Thank you for your participation.
How can any difference be made to change the traditional cultural beliefs that make it okay for men to abuse women? I understand that domestic violence happens in every country, but it only takes one man to stand up against domestic violence to make a difference in a community. If a man speaks up - even in a traditional culture - does that not help the cause? Then others may join him, no?