I also knew a girl whose boyfriend did the same and when people tried to help, she called them ‘jealous’. Helping victims of domestic violence can be extremely hard as they are not always approachable. The ones in grave danger can be the most defensive of their partners/spouses. I hate to say it but this notion is mostly common among people from strong cultural backgrounds. I am by no means saying domestic violence is non-existent in the Western world – It exists. Perhaps, its overwhelming prevalance in developing nations has something to do with the fact that in more developed countries (such as UK, USA, Australia and Canada) more help is available than it is [available] in developing countries. In some remote parts of Africa, women give up on finding help on the basis that ‘I am just another victim on the list’. Even worse, ‘I will endure this just so my children can have a normal family’ and to avoid being the village laughing stalk.

Arguing about whose turn it is to take out the rubbish or feed the baby is healthy in any relationship. Of course, this has its own set of limits too. However when it is all about wrestling or abusive language then clearly, someone needs to get packing. There is nothing normal about that. Punching bags are found in gyms, not in the human anatomy. I would ask bodies like the one Erna Surjadi works for to empower women and tell them it is ok to be alone. Let the world judge you as a failed woman, but you will be alive and healthy. In this day and age anyone with such a mindset probably needs separate help for that thought alone. Besides, you can always meet someone else who treats you right.

I also think people don’t just ’snap’ out of nowhere with violence. They say where there is smoke there is fire: That slap,kick or punch could be an escalation of continuous verbal and emotional abuse.

Ms Surjadi, your paper above is quite a read. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Irene.

I also knew a girl whose boyfriend did the same and when her people tried to help, she called them ‘jealous’. Helping victims of domestic violence can be extremely hard as they are not always approachable. The ones in grave danger can be the most defensive of their partners/spouses. I hate to say it but this behaviour is mostly common in people from strong cultural backgrounds. This is not to say domestic violence is non-existent in the Western world – It is. I note too, that in more developed countries (such as Australia, UK, USA and Canada) more help is available than it is for developing countries. In some remote parts of Africa, women give up on finding help on the basis that ‘I am just another victim on the list’. Even worse, ‘I will endure this just so my children can have a normal family’.

Arguing, such as whose turn it is to take out the rubbish or feed the baby, is healthy in any relationship. However when it is about wrestling or abusive language then someone clearly needs to get packing. There is nothing normal about that. Punching bags are found in gyms, not in the human anatomy. I would ask bodies like the one Erna Surjadi works for to empower women and tell them it is ok to be alone. Let the world judge you as a failed woman, but you will be alive and healthy. In this day and age anyone with such a mindset probably needs separate help for that thought alone.

Mis Surjadi, your paper above is quite a read. Thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Irene.

I Want your permission to publish your comments in our Monthly WOMENSHADE for the issue of December,

Wahid khan
Editor in Cheif/President of WomenShade Pakistan

To Radha Patel,

The first part of the qualitative study was documented in 2004 by Asian Development Bank, Family Health and Nutrition Project and published in local language (Bahasa) with abstract in English. It was then continued with qualitative study during 2005 and 2006; confirmed and accepted by the University of Indonesia under topic: Husband’s violence against wife in family (Kekerasan suami terhadap istri di dalam rumah tangga= KESTI) and published in 2008; again in Bahasa with abstract in English. The effort of translating the overall study into English was done lately by me as Principal investigator of those studies.

I put the abstracts for your information;

ABSTRACTS

Name : Erna Surjadi
Study Program : Sosiology
Title : Husband violence against wife in family (KESTI)

Family faces various experiences that changed from time to time, for example: getting a job, having a child, getting promoted etc. All of those need choices and tolerance. Every challenge of change from one condition to another, become stressors to family life. It needs coping mechanism in family for communication and transformation towards the new condition which is acceptable by both sides of husband and wife.

The traditional family mindset in following patriarchy culture (P) is to put men as number one. This made husband feels that the wife and children as his property; while in fact wife has been involved in public arena where human rights, democracy and new ideology present. The perception differences between husband and wife have added the stressors; which if not handled with good communication (K) between husband and wife, would continue to family crisis and bring husband violence against wife (KESTI).

The secondary data analysis on research at Central Kalimantan (Kalteng) and North Sumatera (Sumut) has proved that violence against women at Kalteng was 15,16 %; less than Sumut (20,26 %,) although the (P) of respondents at Kalteng was 82.6 %, higher than Sumut (59.8 %); this was because the Kalteng respondents had higher (K) 89 %, while at Sumut 58.2 %. KESTI was increased on lower (P) and lower (K); in contrary KESTI was decreased on higher (P) and higher (K). The relationship of KESTI and lower K was shown on the next analysis. KESTI could be maximum (1.83 times) with the higher (P) and lower (K); and it would be minimize 0,56 KESTI for lower (P) and lower (K).

The qualitative study of victim’s voice of KESTI has shown that the patriarchy culture was tightly implemented in gender relationship of KESTI husband wife. The perception differences in the husband wife relationship is not being balanced with the sufficient level of communication has increased stressors in family life and bring up family crisis and lead to KESTI. The mindset of husband and wife is not seen, so it is not recognized by themselves; this put them into latent family crisis. Husband is trying to maintain his legitimated position and afterwards manifested it into KESTI action. The voices of KESTI mentioned that economic condition, bad relationship since early marriage period and cultural differences between husband wife would give effect to the husband and wife communication.
Families nowadays need to develop understanding of equality and equity relationship between husband and wife within egalitarian culture. Need coping mechanism in facing the cultural changes (economic, social status, even political) based on each family background; it is suggested to provide counseling program on gender equity for future married couple before peoposed ceremony; early education for adolescent / school children. Need communication and transformation together to achieve gender equality and equity. It is hoped that KESTI could be prevented and Domestic violence could be eliminated from Indonesia.

Keywords:
Domestic Violence, plural family, communication, transformation, patriarchy culture

The book is under process of printing for publication
I will keep you posted as necessary

Best regards,
Erna Surjadi
Dr.,Drg.,MS.APBI, PhD
—————————————-
Regional Adviser – Gender, Women and Health

World Health Organization
South-East Asia Regional Office (SEARO)
World Health House, Indraprastha Estate
Mahatma Gandhi Marg
New Delhi-110002
E-mail: surjadiE@searo.who.int; ernasfg@gmail.com

The first part of the qualitative study was documented in 2004 by Asian Development Bank, Family Health and Nutrition Project and published in local language (Bahasa) with abstract in English. It was then continued with qualitative study during 2005 and 2006; confirmed and accepted by the University of Indonesia under topic: Husband’s violence against wife in household (Kekerasan suami terhadap istri di dalam rumah tangga) and published in 2008; again in Bahasa with abstract in English. The effort of translating the overall study into English was done lately

ABSTRACTS

Name : Erna Surjadi
Study Program : Sosiology
Title : Husband violence against wife in family (KESTI)

Abstracts

Family faces various experiences that changed from time to time, for example: getting a job, having a child, getting promoted etc. All of those need choices and tolerance. Every challenge of change from one condition to another, become stressors to family life. It needs coping mechanism in family for communication and transformation towards the new condition which is acceptable by both sides of husband and wife.

The traditional family mindset in following patriarchy culture (P) is to put men as number one. This made husband feels that the wife and children as his property; while in fact wife has been involved in public arena where human rights, democracy and new ideology present. The perception differences between husband and wife have added the stressors; which if not handled with good communication (K) between husband and wife, would continue to family crisis and bring husband violence against wife (KESTI).

The secondary data analysis on research at Central Kalimantan (Kalteng) and North Sumatera (Sumut) has proved that violence against women at Kalteng was 15,16 %; less than Sumut (20,26 %,) although the (P) of respondents at Kalteng was 82.6 %, higher than Sumut (59.8 %); this was because the Kalteng respondents had higher (K) 89 %, while at Sumut 58.2 %. KESTI was increased on lower (P) and lower (K); in contrary KESTI was decreased on higher (P) and higher (K). The relationship of KESTI and lower K was shown on the next analysis. KESTI could be maximum (1.83 times) with the higher (P) and lower (K); and it would be minimize 0,56 KESTI for lower (P) and lower (K).

The qualitative study of victim’s voice of KESTI has shown that the patriarchy culture was tightly implemented in gender relationship of KESTI husband wife. The perception differences in the husband wife relationship is not being balanced with the sufficient level of communication has increased stressors in family life and bring up family crisis and lead to KESTI. The mindset of husband and wife is not seen, so it is not recognized by themselves; this put them into latent family crisis. Husband is trying to maintain his legitimated position and afterwards manifestated it into KESTI action. The voices of KESTI mentioned that economic condition, bad relationship since early marriage period and cultural differences between husband wife would give effect to the husband and wife communication.
Families nowadays need to develop understanding of equality and equity relationship between husband and wife within egalitarian culture. Need coping mechanism in facing the cultural changes (economic, social status, even political) based on each family background; it is suggested to provide counseling program on gender equity for future married couple before peoposed ceremony; early education for adolescence / school children. Need communication and transformation together to achieve gender equality and equity. It is hoped that KESTI could be prevented and Domestic violence could be elimianted from Indonesia.

Keywords:
Domestic Violence, plural family, communication, transformation, patriarchy culture

by me as Principal investigator of those studies.
I put the abstracts for your information;